Sunday, July 4, 2010

The Unwanted

Well, this post has been a long time coming. For those of you who know me, I have ranted about The Unwanted for a long time now but it is time for me to share this with the rest of the world, or all 9 of you who actually follow this blog. But first, I gotta catch up on some things so give me a minute.

First of all, Happy Fourth of July!!! There, I have used up my patriotic spirit for the year. Come back next year and I may be able to summon one more. I may even be able to add an exclamation mark.

Second, I am giving up on ever getting the clipboard back. It has been too long and I am sure I am not getting it back now.  I should have kept that thief's phone number. Oh well, you live and you learn... and then you stop trusting strangers. A lesson, I feel, I should have learned earlier in life. I guess it is better late than never.

Third, I have come up with a name for my car. Thank you all who commented and provided input as to what the car's name should be, whether you did it online or in person. After much consideration, I am following GunDiva's advice and have decided that my car is a girl. I have also decided to call her Wilhemina. It is an awesome name and everyone that read her comment seemed to agree. However, a friend of mine who reads this blog yet never comments, and thus will be known by the moniker "He Who Reads from the Shadows", gave me the idea of giving it a nickname on top of the name. He provided many suggestions and I finally settle on one. Therefore, my car is a girl who shall henceforth be named Wilhemina and shall be known by the nickname "Dirty Willie". Yes, it's kind of a weird nickname but it is kind of fitting since I hardly ever wash it and because Wilhemina is too long a name to say so it's easier to shorten it to Willie. Also, Dirty Willie just sounds good because it lends itself to many puns and double entendres. You can like it or not, my mind is made up.

Fourth, for those of you who have been wondering about the Sons of Pitches, our softball team, and our progress, I must say we have been doing great, even though we have lost both games we have played so far. It does not matter, we have only lost by one run every single time and we have had a blast playing. Also, sometimes it is better to lose than to go on to extra innings. I am just saying. I am also proud to announce that so far I have only been responsible for three outs. I have been struck out once and, though I have hit the ball twice, I have been tagged at first every time. If nothing else, we have an awesome name. The last team we played kept saying how much they liked the name "Sons of Pitches" during the hand shaking at the end of the game. So, we might have lost the game but our name was cooler so I think that makes us winners. I shall keep you updated on the progress.

Fifth, and last, I hope you guys enjoy the little mini post series of reasons why I am going to hell. As you can tell, my blogs are usually too long so I am glad I have a way now to post something small every now and then. I hope you enjoyed the first installment on the series. I have the next one ready to go but I needed to write today's post before posting the next one or otherwise it would make no sense.

Now, today's topic, The Unwanted...

A couple of weeks ago, on a Tuesday to be exact, I came home from work and took a nap. (Stick with me, the story picks up after a while.) This to mean that I did not talk to my parents until about nine at night when I left my room in search of sustenance. While talking to my mom, she casually states that aunt, one of my dad's sisters, had called to inform us that they, meaning her family composed of her and her husband and their three kids, would be arriving on Friday. Count the days, that is only a three days notice. I groaned and complained and whiningly asked how long they were gonna be here. I was given the good news that their stay was of an undetermined length because they were coming to try and find a job. Remember, this was only a three days notice they gave us. I went into freak-out mode.

I started thinking of all that I had to do and how I did not like kids. The first thing out of my mouth was "Well, I am going to have to start taking my laptop to work."  My dad seemed to be a little upset at this and told me that they were not going to allow the kids in my room when they were here, which I had already assumed was a given. I happened to point out, and my mom backed me up on this, that we had to work during the day and those kids are not the most disciplined kids we know. He seemed to understand a little more and said nothing more on the subject.

I was also informed that I was gonna have to clean my room before they got here. I was flabbergasted at this news. Cleaning my room is usually a full week's undertaking. I am not dirty, per se, but my room does tend to get cluttered. I call it organized chaos. My room may look like a mess, but I know exactly where everything is. Now I had to clean and organize everything in two days, since they were arriving in the third day.  I was just daunted by such an undertaking. Usually I would employ a three day weekend from dawn til dusk to do so and I had to do it in two evenings.

Needless to say I was pissed off. I may or may not have wished they would have a car wreck on their way here so they would not make it. Yes, I know how horrible that sounds and that is one of the reasons I am going to hell that comprise reasons one to seventy-six. They would have had it coming though. It is just plain rude, if you ask me, to give someone such short notice for moving in. They must have known for a while that they were gonna do so. A decision to uproot your family is not made overnight. It's not like we could deny them shelter. They are from El Paso and we have stayed with them plenty of times on our way to Mexico. We have never, however, stayed for more than a few days and we have always given them at least two weeks notice.

As time drew nearer to their arrival, I kept thinking of ways to safeguard my stuff.  I even asked my parents if I could use a padlock. They mentioned that a padlock would not look good on a bedroom door. I guess they did not understand that I meant to use the padlock on the front door. Apparently, you can't lock out your relatives. I don't see why not. Stupid societal rules.

They arrived on Friday evening. Thankfully, I had practice with the Sons of Pitches and was not there when they arrived. When I got home from practice, I said hi, took a shower and left for my best friend's house where I spend the weekend. I came back on Sunday for the first Sons of Pitches games, against a team by the name of "The Shockers", which cracked everyone in our team up. We still think they have no idea what their name means. For those of you reading this that are also in the dark, can clear things up for you. After the game, some of the players went to the pool and, despite it being Father's Day and my family having a cook out, I went with them because I did not want to deal with The Unwanted. This is also included in reasons 1-76 of why I am going to hell.

I had been told how I would have to be social and nice. So far, nice for me has been not yelling at the unwanted kids for daring to talk to me. I have stayed in my room for the most part since they have been here. Luckily, my aunt's husband went back to El Paso a few days after arriving. I was not aware of this for a while but it made my day when I found out. Not that I don't like him. Let's just say that if there was a world catastrophe, he would not be very high on my list of people I would make sure survived. I think he would make the list, I just am not certain of it.

As for now, The Unwanted consists of four people:

The Unwanted Aunt is my dad's sister. I have never really liked her much. I remember a Christmas, a long time ago, when she got everyone of my cousins and my siblings really cool toys as gifts and yet I got a notepad and some pencils (not colored pencils, just pencils). I was actually really happy to get a gift so I did not mind. It was not until later that someone, maybe Medea, told me that the reason I got such a crappy gift was because my aunt had forgotten about me completely so when she saw me at the Christmas party she wrapped the first thing she could find. I was not even aware that my gift was crappy but leave it to Medea to burst a young boy's bubble.  I guess I should be upset that Medea told me that, but I was never really close to my aunt so I just have never felt really close to her or cared much for her.

The Unwanted Boy is the Unwanted Aunt's oldest child. I think he is about thirteen but I am not sure because I could ask but I could not care less. He is annoying in that way in which kids who never know when to shut the hell up are. He is the constant questioner with the "but why?" questions. He is a thorn on my side and one of the main reasons why I stay in my room. So far, he has asked to use my iTunes account and annoyed me beyond belief when I said no because he did not understand why I would not. A simple, because I don't want to did not suffice.

The Unwanted Girl 1 is the middle child of the Unwanted Aunt's family.  She is kind of quiet and possibly the one I can deal with the most. Not that I want to deal with but if they were all to die and I was asked, forced, to choose one to live, it would probably be her. I have no clue what her age is either but she is younger than 13. The one thing I have noticed about her is that she giggles a lot and I can't stand her giggling. It is still better than the relentless questioning of Unwanted Boy.

The Unwanted Girl 2 is the youngest of the Unwanted Clan. She is spoiled beyond belief. She is about 8, though I may be off on that. So far, I have heard her whine instead of talking when she wants something and it took everything in me to not reach out and slap her and see if she stopped. What's interesting is that I am not usually a violent person. I also heard her cry once and I couldn't stand that either so I guess I am glad I did not slap her because she would have gone from one annoying sound to another. Oh and because it would be wrong to slap her, regardless of how much she deserved it. I think.

So these are the people I have been having to deal with. Four new and annoying people all crammed into the one extra bedroom we have. They have been hogging everything. They ate all my oreos! (In case you are wondering because of that last statement, I am 26 years old at the time I am writing this.) They have been using my internet because I was asked, forced, by my dad to give them the key for the wireless modem. I have not stopped being spiteful though. Every morning before going to work, I start downloading videos on my laptop, which I decided to leave here to see if they dare face the consequences of touching my stuff, so that it will slow down their internet access. Yes, I know I am evil and a master of passive-aggressiveness thanks to Medea, but as He Who Reads from the Shadows said to me when I was telling him of my woes, "Family are like fish, after three days they start to stink." I may have misquoted but you get the gist of it.

So far, I have survived but keep me in your thoughts because if they push me the wrong way I am not responsible for my actions. That is my defense and, though it may not hold in court, I am sticking to it for now. As usual, I will keep you updated on any new happenings. Write to you guys later!


Trinity (of haiku tofu) said...

lol, I had no idea you were going through all this. I hate when unwanted visitors come and stay TOO DAMN LONG. or stay at all.
Good luck. Glad the SOPs could be a safehaven from the freakshow. Love ya!

Not Typical, Yet Fun said...

Yeah, it's been happening for the last couple of days. There doesn't seem to be an end to their stay in the near future either but I am glad I have the SOPs and amazing friends to keep me busy and distracted.

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