Sunday, August 29, 2010

Yet Another Try at Randomness...

I know it has been too long since I posted something that was not pre-written. It's not your, the reader's, fault. It's the writer's fault. This blogger has been having a hard time being motivated to do anything and writing and updating the blog is included. Not that I don't appreciate that you read whatever inane ramblings I happen to come up with, for I am really thankful that I have any readers at all, but my lack of motivation has nothing to do with you. What I am trying to say is that it is not you, it's me. I mean, you guys are great. I am obviously the one that needs to work on some issues so that our relationship can work. I know that you can find some other better blog that will know how to entertain you and give you all you need. That being said, and after assuming all fault for our failing relationship, I would like to state that I would love the opportunity to make things up. I can change.   I promise to be more attentive and more demonstrative of how much you mean to me. I shall try to write at least once a week and to make the entries interesting. In other words, and to quote P!nk, "Please don't leave me. I forgot to say aloud how beautiful you really are to me. I can't live without you." The cards are on the table and the decision is yours. Find a better blog that entertains you in ways that I can't ever live up to or bear with me and see where this crazy road will lead us.

If the opening paragraph to today's post was not creepy enough, bear with me, I can be creepier. Way creepier. Now, onto the randomness:

  • As many of you may, or may not, know, I used to work at Mardel, a christian bookstore. This was back near the end of my religious days and I loved working there because we were closed on Sundays and closed early on Wednesdays so that people could attend church. A few Wednesdays back, I was in that shopping center and saw a lady walking towards the doors at Mardel. The store was obviously closed. There were no lights on and no cars in the parking lot. Yet, the lady proceeded to walk to the doors and tried to open them. When they did not open, she walked over to the other set of doors and tried to open those. It made me glad I don't work there anymore as working with people that are that dumb is never fun.
  • A few weeks back, I was house sitting for a friend of mine and I loved the idea of being away from home for a week. I was happy not to have to deal with my family for a week. Ironically, every day after work, I would come home and take a nap before going over to the house I was sitting because I slept better at my own bed.
  • Along with house sitting, I also had to take care of her dogs. One of the dogs is a giant poodle. He's big, he's black and he's named Shakyll. He is the gentlest dog.
  • Although he is gentle, my animal paranoia extends to the point that when the dog would sit next to me I would have to pet him just because he was sitting at eye level and, in my mind, if I didn't pet him, he would rip my throat out.
  • That might have been why I never slept well while house sitting as apparently I was in constant fear for my life.
  • At my old job, I used to have one of those reduced-effort staplers. I have always regretted not stealing it from my other job, which apparently is not a thought that you should share with your current employer as they don't look at supply stealing kindly. I finally bought myself one and I was so proud. I told everyone at work and had them try it. It might be sad but it was the highlight of my week.
  • Another one of the many things that make me weird is that I have an allergy which causes my eye to hurt when the temperature drops. That is why I usually carry some Claritin pills. The other day, my eye started to hurt so I took my Claritin. Unfortunately, that did not work so a co-worker offered me some Ibuprofen. I am just going to say that people that are against self-medicating have never had Claritin and Ibuprofen at the same time because I had a fairly good time for the rest of the work day. No, not a fairly good time, a really good time. Yes, a REALLY good time.
  • I have been reading the book "Letters From the Earth" by Mark Twain and he made a really compelling point. He said that people always look at god sending his son to die for mankind as a great example of love, but isn't it just a bigger example of bad parenting? I mean what kind of parent would kill their son for a mistake someone else committed?
  • Since my last random post sucked, I have a list on my phone of topics I have been compiling so that I can write a better random post. Unfortunately, most of the items on the list consist of just a few words and, since the list is kind of old, I just came across an item which I have no idea where it is from or why I wrote it down. It reads, "Dr. Hasachubby." That's it. It sounds like a porn name and I bet there is an interesting story behind it, but I cannot remember where I got it from even if my life depended on it. So, there you have it, do with it what you will.
  • Also, if you can figure out where it's from and you can tell me, I will be eternally grateful.
  • The softball season has ended. The Sons of Pitches ended the season with a perfect record or zero wins. I have never been more proud in my life. I do miss having something to do on Sundays and hanging out by the pool, literally as I don't swim, with the teammates afterwards.
  • I was at the store the other day, Target to be more exact, and I realize that I hate that they don't have the self-checkout lines. If I want some human contact, I will go to a bar, otherwise a machine will do. The one thing I loved about my vegas trip was the fact that the hotel had the room checkout option where you could checkout from the TV in your room. I loved that. I am a true misanthrope, the less I have to deal with people the better.
  • Yes, that attitude works for me even though I work at a front desk as a receptionist. All my growing up in church experience is coming in handy when I have to be a hypocrite to all the annoying clients that come in.
  • I had some really good ideas for posts to write the other day. Unfortunately, I was half-asleep and I could not remember them the next morning. How come I always have the best ideas when I am half-asleep? I have solved all of the world's problems while in that state and I forgot them the next morning which always sucks.
  • I ran out of coke, the drink, the other day. I went to the store to get some more as I can't live without it. I was looking at prices and then I realized that the 24 pack was a better deal than the 12 pack, which was supposed to be on sale. Then it dawned on me. They weren't 24 packs, but 20 packs. 20 packs!!! Who the heck decided that was acceptable? Why did they have to change from 24 to 20? Did it make it better? I was really upset so I left that store and went to another one to find that the travesty was widespread. Needless to say, that ruined my day. I mean, I still bought the coke, I needed it, but I wasn't happy about it.
So, this is the second attempt at a random post. Hope you enjoyed it and that it was worth the wait. Hopefully, you will be hearing from me within a week. 

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Reason Number 79 Why I Am Going to Hell

A while back, I had planned to take some of my co-workers to the drag show in Dallas. I find the drag show to be really fun and I believe it is something most people should experience at least once in their lifetime.  Due to the fact that we all have very different schedules I had planned it with a month in advance.  I even made a facebook event and invited the 6 co-workers that were to come. The first hitch we had was that The Co-Worker was not going to be able to come, thus reducing our number to 5. Preggo was also invited but could not attend. Since she is not a co-worker, and does not have a facebook page, she was not counted in the official list anyway. Other than that, everything seemed to be going smoothly, that was until one day before the day we were supposed to go.  This is what leads to reason seventy-nine of why I am going to hell.

We were scheduled to go on a Saturday night. The morning of the Friday before, everyone that was going had confirmed and we had even discussed logistics. Two of the co-workers are really close and had said that if one of them could not go, the other would not go either. That fateful morning, Heidi received a call from her mother. One of her aunts in Houston was very ill and had been given two days to live. She was going to have to drive down to Houston that weekend and was thus going to miss the drag show. Unfortunately, because she was not attending, her friend was not going to go either. When they cancelled, another co-worker said she really did not want to attend and that left me with just one more person who agreed that it would just be better if we re-scheduled.

I was so disappointed. It's just my luck to have one of my friend's aunts die on the weekend when I am planning an outing. Bear with me, it gets worse. I walked over to my desk, picked up my phone and called The Co-Worker and said, "Imma beat me a dead woman." I apologize for the horrible grammar in that sentence but I am quoting verbatim for two reasons. First of all, I wanted the quote to be realistic, and second, because I love how that phrase sounds. There you have it, reason number 79 why I am going to hell. Not only was I unsympathetic towards Heidi's family loss, I was mad at her aunt for interfering with my plans by dying.

Yes, I do recognize how horrible this is. I am pretty sure that hell will have a circle completely dedicated to me and that drag queens will somehow be incorporated into the punishment. I just thought that such a punishment would have to be so creative that it is a shame one can't blog from hell or I could do a follow-up to each of the reasons why I am going to hell with what punishment I was attributed for it. Hmmm, something to think about, perhaps?
 
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So What if I am not Typical? I'm Still Fun. by Not Typical, Yet Fun is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 3.0 United States License.