Happy New Year!

So what if I am a month late? I still hope you have a happy new year. Also, I know it has been almost two months since my last post.What can I say? I have been lazy. I can't say that there has not been anything to write about because there has. I cannot say that I haven't had time to write because I have watched about 7 seasons of SNL reruns on Netflix in the past month alone. What is my excuse then? I simply don't have one. Since it has been a long time though, now that I am back, I will attempt to catch you guys up in what is going on in my life.

First things first, Medea came and went to Mexico. She spent about six weeks over there taking care of her mom since her health is not what it used to be. Nothing about her is what it used to be. I mean, after all, she is old. As a matter of fact, when I wrote the last blog entry on December 12, Medea was already in Mexico. My dad, my sister and I went to drop her off on the weekend of Thanksgiving and my dad and I went to pick her up sometime in mid-January.  If you remember last time I drove to Mexico with my parents, when my dad's father died, I was left behind in Odessa (although to hear my parents tell it, I left them in Odessa with the car so they were the abandoned ones). I was hesitant to go to Mexico because of obvious reasons, but Medea said her mom was really ill and that she would like for me to go because this could be the last time I got to see my grandma, the last of my grandparents, alive. Although I am pretty much immune to most guilt trips, I fell for this one. The trip to drop her off was uneventful except for a horrible allergy reaction that made me break out in hives that itched like crazy. I still don't know what caused them. I went to the doctor in Mexico and despite the fact that he prescribed two shots, it did not get better. I had to go to the doctor once I came back to the US and I had to take steroids. I, of course, did not hear the end of it from my family. They kept saying that I was way too American now and that I was allergic to Mexico. It did not matter that the allergic reaction started in El Paso, which is technically, and I mean barely technically, still the US. The trip to go pick her up was even more uneventful.  Although, when we stopped for lunch at Midland, I did text Preggo to let her know that I had made it past Odessa this time.

This brings me to the next subject, Preggo. In a way, it is thanks to her that I am writing this entry right now. It's not that I don't want to write but it is so much easier to just sit and watch TV. She is always pestering me, in a good way, to write a new entry. She is the one that, shall I say, demanded that I write an entry since I did not work today because of the wintry weather. As a sidenote, she did not work either and I don't see her starting her own blog. She did however start her own facebook and, although now everyone and their mom has a facebook, it is a big step for her. Well, she is now back at work from her maternity leave. As I mentioned before, I think I did anyway and I am too lazy to go back and check whether or not I did so I will just continue assuming that I did, she had a baby girl sometime last year. The girl's name is not "The Thing" as I have been informed countless times by Preggo. I would use the girl's real name but I don't feel at liberty to disclose it, and I can't ever remember it most of the time, so I will call her "Phoebe", like the character from Friends (obscure enough of a reference or should I make it even more so?). The problem had become what to call Preggo since she is not pregnant anymore. I have reached a decision, heretofore she shall be known and addressed as "Preggo". Why? Because it is easier to just keep calling her what I have called her so far. So y'all can rest easy since you won't have to learn a whole new nickname for the same person. One last note on Preggo, I should mention that I made her cry on her second day back at work. Apparently, sometimes I take things too far. I also think she was no longer acclimatized to my abrasive personality and the many hurtful things I say while joking around. I have already apologized to her and she has forgiven me but this is just a heads up to everyone who is, has been or will be a friend of mine, I will eventually say something that will hurt you. I may or may not apologize, depending on how I feel at the moment. I apologized on this instance but I don't plan to make it a habit. I have too much pride and I refuse to swallow any of it because I do not know how many calories it has.

On the job front, I got a promotion. You may be completely surprised to hear this since I always claim to be lazy but apparently I am a pretty good worker. I guess I like money. Not a lot, just enough.
*BREAKING NEWS: WE INTERRUPT THIS BLOG TO ANNOUNCE THAT I JUST RECEIVED NEWS THAT, DUE TO THE HAZARDOUS WEATHER CONDITIONS, MY WORK IS CANCELED AGAIN FOR TOMORROW. THIS MESSAGE WILL SELF-REPEAT. WE NOW RETURN YOU TO YOUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED BLOG.*
I am pretty psyched about the promotion. I now have my own office and my own phone extension number and my own work email. Yes, I hear what you are saying, "But Carlos, your office has no windows!" What most people don't know is that I love the fact that my office has no windows. I am really safe in the case of a hurricane, except for the fact that I am on the second floor. I was actually making a joke about how I would need fake dead plants to my friends Hill and Zeke and they came up with an ingenious solution. I was sitting in my office one day when the receptionist asked me to come downstairs. When I walked down the stairs (as I usually do since I asked for a key to the stairs to take advantage of the fact that my office is on the second floor and finally get some form of exercise), I found Hill and Zeke waiting for me and holding this:

The picture may not be too clear, but it consists of dead flowers and a spray-painted black balloon that reads "whatever." I absolutely love it. I had said I needed dead fake flowers but they upped the ante and brought me dead real flowers instead. All I have to say is that if I
*BREAKING NEWS: WE INTERRUPT THIS BLOG TO ANNOUNCE THAT I JUST RECEIVED NEWS THAT, DUE TO THE HAZARDOUS WEATHER CONDITIONS, MY WORK IS CANCELED AGAIN FOR TOMORROW. THIS MESSAGE WILL SELF-REPEAT. WE NOW RETURN YOU TO YOUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED BLOG.*
were a bouquet, this would be it. It will now sit in my office until it completely falls apart. I am lacking more decorations for my office though. I mentioned in passing to my friend Kristin that I was going to get a firemen's calendar and I think she is thinking of getting me a desk calendar with pictures of guys in them. I am excited about it which segues neatly into my next paragraph.

On romantic news, there is nothing to report.

I think that may be enough catching up. Now about the future. I do not plan on abandoning this blog. Yes, my posting cannot even be called sporadic but all I can say is that, so far, it is as consistent as I am in most everything I do. Speaking about things I do, I have a new project in mind. While I was writing my last post about Dottie and her inability to read one thousand books before she dies I wondered if I would be able to read one thousand books before I die. Granted, it is not that original but I figure it will be at least interesting to try. Of course, I will document everything here in the blog. Since I had the idea on December twelfth, I was going to try and start the project on the new year but, since I am a procrastinator supreme and I am just now getting around to mentioning it, I will try to start by March 1st, 2011. That being said, feel free to submit books that you think I should read and to tell me what your favorite books are. Since there is no way to count the books I have already read, I will start from zero and re-read some of the ones I have read previously. Each book will count once, and only once regardless of how many times I have read it or will read it, into the count for the one thousand book project. What do you think? Will this be a good idea? Will I follow through on it? I sure hope so.

Anyway, I shall stop the post for now. I am glad I had a chance to reconnect. Be aware that normal posts will hopefully resume from now on at a rate greater than, but hopefully at least, two posts a month. I have been very -ahem- "well behaved" as of late so I don't have any additions to my "Reasons I Am Going to Hell" series but I hope to resume those as well too. Furthermore, I recently acquired a Twitter account. I don't know if I will use it much but in case you are interested my username in there is cosilvar (I really don't know how to fully use it so I can't give you detailed directions on finding me so good luck, if you even look.) I guess that is all for now. Until later, sincerely, Me.

Reason Number 81 Why I Am Going to Hell

This actually happened a few months back yet I think it is still worth telling. As you all know by now, I don't really have a social life. Thus I usually don't have much to tell. If it weren't for my co-workers, I probably wouldn't have much to share at all. Luckily, I am surrounded by quirky co-workers that keep me entertained and put up with all my idiosyncrasies.  My friend Heidi, who was featured in two of my earlier reasons I am going to hell, is one of such co-workers. Heidi is, of course, not her real name. I shall never reveal her real name or where we work in order to protect her privacy (along with the Co-Worker's [who has unfortunately recently informed that she will not be reading this blog anymore due to the inconsistency of my posting]and He Who Reads From the Shadows'). I am adding a new co-worker as I am sure that she will give me more than just this one story I am about to tell. She shall be henceforth known by the moniker of Dottie. (On a personal note, I chose that nickname because I know she will hate it.)

When I first started my current job, I was excited because I thought I was going to have plenty of time to read. I did not however know that, although I would have time, I would not have the willpower to read as often as I could because I would waste too much time playing around with co-workers and watching videos on the minuscule screen on my iPod.

On random days, though, I can be seen reading a book here and there. A few months back, I was reading Letters From the Earth by Mark Twain. It had come greatly recommended by a very valued friend and I was not disappointed. I was sitting at my desk reading when Dottie came up to it and asked me what I was doing. Always eager to engage someone in conversation and maybe even lure them into an argument, I quickly told her about the book. I know that the anti-religious sentiment in it would not bode well with her as we had argued about religion in the past. This time however I was surprised by the fact that she was not as judgmental as I expected and just went on a tangent about how she wanted to get an e-reader. She said she had recently been called to jury duty and that she saw a young girl, Dottie is "middle-aged" (I refuse to give her real age on account that she has already threatened to shoot me in the past), with one and she had become interested. I, having a Lit degree, quickly argued that you lose a lot from the reading experience by not having a physical book when you are reading. She said she could see my point but was quick to add that you could have up to a thousand books and could carry them more conveniently. I quickly countered by saying, "That doesn't matter. You don't even have enough time left to read a thousand books." Which might have been a bad thing to say. Especially if you remember that she I said she was "middle-aged", which is me being generous about her age. Still, I probably should not tell someone that they won't be alive long enough to read as many books as they want. Fortunately, once it dawned on her what I had said and after the quick shock of the comment, she laughed it off. I felt kind of bad and tried to fix it by saying that I probably did not have enough time to read a thousand books either. It did not seem too consoling that we were both too old to read one thousand books. Anyway, she did say that I was going to go to hell for saying something like that after which I had no choice but to write about it here.

Well, there it is. Reason number eighty-one why I am going to hell is that I reminded someone that death is nigh, and nigher every minute. I rather like this story but it probably is one of those stories which were better if you were there. Anyway, at least I had something to write. To be honest, I started writing this pretty late on Sunday night and after a whole day of cleaning and laundry. The only reason I did is because I promised Preggo, for whom I need to find a new nickname since she already had her baby, that I would write something on the blog this weekend. I do have one more reason why I am going to hell coming and a lot of stuff has happened so I do want to write a new post soon. Until then, thanks for still reading.

Public Service Announcement

I am debating on whether to make this a very long post or to break it up in small segments. Considering how inconsistent I am with my posting I am leaning towards the former although the latter would probably be best. Once again, thanks to the few of you who still follow this blog. You might say that I am not a demanding blogger and that I don't expect you to spend many hours reading my many entries. Closer to the truth is that I am a neglectful blogger and thus have to keep thanking you for your continued interest in reading my misadventures.

One more thing, I am excited that, sometime back, we went through the 1000 page views milestone. I should have prepared some sort of concert with some sort of price but I just now noticed it. I shall have to start planning something for when we get to 5000 page views. As to what to do, I have no idea. I may bring it up later  when we are closer and see if you guys have any ideas. Anyway, thanks for sticking with me this long.

Also, I have to get through all this so bear with me, I am sorry for the last post. I needed to get that off my chest and you guys were my only outlet. This actually segues really well into my actual post, which begins now.

Today's PSA is, as most everything in this blog, all about me. I am ISO (in search of, for those of you not in the know) a best friend. I had one but apparently I have misplaced her. I am not too demanding. So far my best friends have been women, but that is not a requirement. I think I could just as well have a best friend that is a guy but guys tend to have weird interests like sports and cars which I have no interest in. Moving on, my best friend has to be fun and willing to listen to inane ramblings that may go on for hours sometimes, especially during road trips. I am known for once spending the whole drive to Waco, about a three hour drive, speaking non-stop about Edgar Allan Poe. That was, of course, two best friends ago. I often wonder if that long diatribe had anything to do with why she is no longer my best friend. Actually, I am fairly certain that her getting married and becoming religious might have had something to do with our growing apart. I have not seen her since she helped me get home after the Odessa incident. We had already been growing apart then and since we have not spoken or seen each other. You could say I am ungrateful but we really did grow too far apart and had to claim irreconcilable differences.

After her, I transitioned smoothly to my next best friend. She was the one that made me realize that I had to add an amendment to my "helping people move" rule. Right now, I would say my status as a best friend has been removed and whether I am still even a friend remains to be seen. Let me update you on this relationship. After I helped her move, she started dating again. She dated several people and then she started fixating on one. They started dating exclusively and, after a few months, signed a domestic partnership. Now, she has moved in with her girlfriend. This would be a wonderful love story, if a short one, if it weren't for the fact that the new girlfriend hates me. We had an argument once, after having a few drinks while we were both stubborn, and she has held that against me ever since. Plus, she was jealous of my friendship with my best friend and how close we were. Unfortunately, that was enough to drive a wedge in our friendship and thus I find myself best-friend-less.

That's life though. I am sad, but I know it is for the best. Now, on to the fun part, finding a new best friend. I am currently accepting applications and resumes. Anyone interested in applying for the position will have to fulfill certain requirements. They can be of either gender as I am an equal opportunity befriender (I know that is not a word but go with me on this one. Also, if you are questioning my writing skills, you need not apply.) Also, I have no preference on sexual orientation when it comes to friends, as evidenced by the fact that my last best friend was a lesbian. You will however have to be at least a little bit smart and think that I am at least kind of funny. You will need to have previous experience. I do not have the patience or time to teach you the ropes of best-friend-ship. If you are interested in the position but have no previous experience, you can always apply for the lower position of just friend or maybe acquaintance depending on how interesting you are. Those positions come with fewer benefits, like me not helping you move, but you will still get my loyalty and an ear and a shoulder when needed. As a best friend you would receive the same benefits as a friend plus I will help you move and you would take precedence over other friends and, at times, family. Anyone interested can contact me in any which way you can. This will help me determine how ingenious and imaginative you are, both of which are important qualities you should have.

To quote the great Tobias, "Let the great experiment begin!!!" I look forward to receiving your applications and resumes. All serious inquiries will be considered fairly and a decision shall be made hopefully within a week. I am expecting some really great and amazing people to apply so if you are not selected for the position don't take it personally, there was just someone better. It is not that I don't care about you but that something better came along so don't be mad or upset at me. It's your own fault for not being all you can be. If you are not selected this time around, you can always try and hone your skills for next time I need a best friend. Maybe then you will be worth my time. It's not everyday you can become best friends with someone as awesome, smart, funny, and humble as me so take a chance. It might be your lucky day.

A Purple Post

Dear everyone,


Let me start by apologizing for not having posted anything in so long and because this new post will not be a fun one. Allow me to indulge this one time and stand in my soapbox for this one time. I will resume my regular posting soon, I promise.


Today, I wore a purple shirt to work. Sadly, I thought I was making a difference. Don't get me wrong. I am glad I did it. A few days back I received a facebook invite to wear purple today in memory of the gay teenagers that had committed suicide due to bullying. I thought it was a worthy cause so I accepted it and even forwarded the invite to a few friends. Today at work, me and two other co-workers wore purple, but our lives were hardly affected by it.


I came home today and happened to find out more about what has been going on and it breaks my heart. Thankfully I was never bullied but coming to terms with my sexual orientation was hard enough as it was. I cannot imagine what these kids had to go through to push them so far. I remember that at the age of 16 I was as close as I ever came to committing suicide. I remember the loneliness and the pain. I read my writings from back in the day and they scare me. I remember looking for help and calling helplines that only felt as superficial as any friends that I had at the moment. I remember the despair and the sinking feeling in my stomach and speeding to meet with church friends just because I was afraid to be alone. Now, I can't even fathom going through all that and still having to deal with being bullied.


I have never told anyone about those dark days in my life but listening to the stories of these kids brought all this up. Listening to some of the stories from some of the mothers who did not suspect that their kids were going through tough times reminds me of Stevie Smith's poem "Not Waving but Drowning". Allow me to share it with you.


Not Waving but Drowning


Nobody heard him, the dead man,
But still he lay moaning:
I was much further out than you thought
And not waving but drowning.

Poor chap, he always loved larking
And now he's dead
It must have been too cold for him his heart gave way,
They said.

Oh, no no no, it was too cold always
(Still the dead one lay moaning)
I was much too far out all my life
And not waving but drowning. 


As this poem illustrates, people don't wear their hearts on their sleeves. It is too late to help the teenagers that have committed suicide but it is not too late to make a difference on other kids' lives. It is easy to wear a purple shirt, but it is another matter to care and do something. There is no one thing that can be done but don't stand idly by if you see someone being bullied. Remember that we are all people and that every life has value. Being gay is not a choice. If I had been given a choice, I might have chosen differently. I have gay friends with kids that do not want their kids to be gay and not because they are homophobic but because they know the hardships that come with being gay. To be honest, although I have no kids myself and I hope never to have any, I do not want my nephews to be gay. If they are, I will be there for them to help them become who they are, but I do not wish upon them what I've had to go through to get to where I am now. Don't get me wrong, I love who I am now. If you know me you have heard me say a million times how I think I am awesome. Unfortunately, that wasn't always the case. At one point I too was not waving but drowning.


Thank you for putting up with my over-indulgence. I promise to go back to my semi-entertaining posts soon I just had to get this off my chest. Now that I have said my share, I shall leave the soapbox for someone better suited to use it. If you hated this post, as you have the right to do, I hope you at least liked the poem. It is one of my favorites due to its simple and direct nature. That is it for now. Hope to write to y'all again soon.

Reason Number 80 Why I Am Going to Hell

While writing reason number 79, I remembered another reason why I am going to hell and thus decided to write it. Why was I reminded of this other occasion? Simple, I was reminded of it because it involves Heidi, my co-worker, and a friend of hers dying. Yes, I know it is not right to make fun of people when they die, but it is so much fun. So, this is the story behind reason number eighty:

A few weeks back, I was at work bored so I decided to go talk to some of the people in the offices in the back.  I stopped by Heidi's office to ask how she was doing and she told me that she was just informed that one of her old friends in Oklahoma had died that weekend. My first instinct, due to the fact that she did not know me that well back then, was to be sympathetic. I asked how long had she known him and she informed me that he had been a friend from high school and from her teenage years. I asked her what had happened. Apparently, he worked night shifts in a different town in OK and had a thirty minute commute every morning. Well, on Monday morning, as he was driving back home, he was hit by an eighteen-wheeler and had died due to the injuries maintained in the accident. She said that they were going to have his funeral that Friday and that she would be driving to OK Friday morning. I once again said I was sorry that her friend had died and left her office.

Friday morning came around and I noticed her car wasn't there that morning and I remembered she was gone in order to attend the funeral. I thought about something nice to send her in a text message in order to offer my support and the best I could come up with was "Have a safe drive. Hope you make it to Oklahoma safe... unlike your friend." I thought that was hilarious and thus became the 80th reason why I am going to hell. I felt it wished her a safe trip, let her know I was thinking of her, and used humor to lighten an otherwise emotionally tough situation. Apparently, no one else saw the positive in all of this. I thought I had a really funny and great way to comfort my friend, but apparently I was just being disrespectful to the dead.

I did not hear back from Heidi that day, and for a moment I thought she was mad at me. I sent her a text apologizing for my most awesome text. She did respond to that one and said that I did not need to apologize. That she had not responded because she had been busy the day before but that she was not mad or upset.  She went on to mention that she had received the text during the service at the church and the it was all she could do to keep from laughing out loud. Apparently, I am not the only person in the world with an inappropriate sense of humor. It is always good to know that although I may end up in hell, at least I will be accompanied by people with a good sense of humor.

Yet Another Try at Randomness...

I know it has been too long since I posted something that was not pre-written. It's not your, the reader's, fault. It's the writer's fault. This blogger has been having a hard time being motivated to do anything and writing and updating the blog is included. Not that I don't appreciate that you read whatever inane ramblings I happen to come up with, for I am really thankful that I have any readers at all, but my lack of motivation has nothing to do with you. What I am trying to say is that it is not you, it's me. I mean, you guys are great. I am obviously the one that needs to work on some issues so that our relationship can work. I know that you can find some other better blog that will know how to entertain you and give you all you need. That being said, and after assuming all fault for our failing relationship, I would like to state that I would love the opportunity to make things up. I can change.   I promise to be more attentive and more demonstrative of how much you mean to me. I shall try to write at least once a week and to make the entries interesting. In other words, and to quote P!nk, "Please don't leave me. I forgot to say aloud how beautiful you really are to me. I can't live without you." The cards are on the table and the decision is yours. Find a better blog that entertains you in ways that I can't ever live up to or bear with me and see where this crazy road will lead us.

If the opening paragraph to today's post was not creepy enough, bear with me, I can be creepier. Way creepier. Now, onto the randomness:

• As many of you may, or may not, know, I used to work at Mardel, a christian bookstore. This was back near the end of my religious days and I loved working there because we were closed on Sundays and closed early on Wednesdays so that people could attend church. A few Wednesdays back, I was in that shopping center and saw a lady walking towards the doors at Mardel. The store was obviously closed. There were no lights on and no cars in the parking lot. Yet, the lady proceeded to walk to the doors and tried to open them. When they did not open, she walked over to the other set of doors and tried to open those. It made me glad I don't work there anymore as working with people that are that dumb is never fun.
• A few weeks back, I was house sitting for a friend of mine and I loved the idea of being away from home for a week. I was happy not to have to deal with my family for a week. Ironically, every day after work, I would come home and take a nap before going over to the house I was sitting because I slept better at my own bed.
• Along with house sitting, I also had to take care of her dogs. One of the dogs is a giant poodle. He's big, he's black and he's named Shakyll. He is the gentlest dog.
• Although he is gentle, my animal paranoia extends to the point that when the dog would sit next to me I would have to pet him just because he was sitting at eye level and, in my mind, if I didn't pet him, he would rip my throat out.
• That might have been why I never slept well while house sitting as apparently I was in constant fear for my life.
• At my old job, I used to have one of those reduced-effort staplers. I have always regretted not stealing it from my other job, which apparently is not a thought that you should share with your current employer as they don't look at supply stealing kindly. I finally bought myself one and I was so proud. I told everyone at work and had them try it. It might be sad but it was the highlight of my week.
• Another one of the many things that make me weird is that I have an allergy which causes my eye to hurt when the temperature drops. That is why I usually carry some Claritin pills. The other day, my eye started to hurt so I took my Claritin. Unfortunately, that did not work so a co-worker offered me some Ibuprofen. I am just going to say that people that are against self-medicating have never had Claritin and Ibuprofen at the same time because I had a fairly good time for the rest of the work day. No, not a fairly good time, a really good time. Yes, a REALLY good time.
• I have been reading the book "Letters From the Earth" by Mark Twain and he made a really compelling point. He said that people always look at god sending his son to die for mankind as a great example of love, but isn't it just a bigger example of bad parenting? I mean what kind of parent would kill their son for a mistake someone else committed?
• Since my last random post sucked, I have a list on my phone of topics I have been compiling so that I can write a better random post. Unfortunately, most of the items on the list consist of just a few words and, since the list is kind of old, I just came across an item which I have no idea where it is from or why I wrote it down. It reads, "Dr. Hasachubby." That's it. It sounds like a porn name and I bet there is an interesting story behind it, but I cannot remember where I got it from even if my life depended on it. So, there you have it, do with it what you will.
• Also, if you can figure out where it's from and you can tell me, I will be eternally grateful.
• The softball season has ended. The Sons of Pitches ended the season with a perfect record or zero wins. I have never been more proud in my life. I do miss having something to do on Sundays and hanging out by the pool, literally as I don't swim, with the teammates afterwards.
• I was at the store the other day, Target to be more exact, and I realize that I hate that they don't have the self-checkout lines. If I want some human contact, I will go to a bar, otherwise a machine will do. The one thing I loved about my vegas trip was the fact that the hotel had the room checkout option where you could checkout from the TV in your room. I loved that. I am a true misanthrope, the less I have to deal with people the better.
• Yes, that attitude works for me even though I work at a front desk as a receptionist. All my growing up in church experience is coming in handy when I have to be a hypocrite to all the annoying clients that come in.
• I had some really good ideas for posts to write the other day. Unfortunately, I was half-asleep and I could not remember them the next morning. How come I always have the best ideas when I am half-asleep? I have solved all of the world's problems while in that state and I forgot them the next morning which always sucks.
• I ran out of coke, the drink, the other day. I went to the store to get some more as I can't live without it. I was looking at prices and then I realized that the 24 pack was a better deal than the 12 pack, which was supposed to be on sale. Then it dawned on me. They weren't 24 packs, but 20 packs. 20 packs!!! Who the heck decided that was acceptable? Why did they have to change from 24 to 20? Did it make it better? I was really upset so I left that store and went to another one to find that the travesty was widespread. Needless to say, that ruined my day. I mean, I still bought the coke, I needed it, but I wasn't happy about it.

So, this is the second attempt at a random post. Hope you enjoyed it and that it was worth the wait. Hopefully, you will be hearing from me within a week. 

Reason Number 79 Why I Am Going to Hell

A while back, I had planned to take some of my co-workers to the drag show in Dallas. I find the drag show to be really fun and I believe it is something most people should experience at least once in their lifetime.  Due to the fact that we all have very different schedules I had planned it with a month in advance.  I even made a facebook event and invited the 6 co-workers that were to come. The first hitch we had was that The Co-Worker was not going to be able to come, thus reducing our number to 5. Preggo was also invited but could not attend. Since she is not a co-worker, and does not have a facebook page, she was not counted in the official list anyway. Other than that, everything seemed to be going smoothly, that was until one day before the day we were supposed to go.  This is what leads to reason seventy-nine of why I am going to hell.

We were scheduled to go on a Saturday night. The morning of the Friday before, everyone that was going had confirmed and we had even discussed logistics. Two of the co-workers are really close and had said that if one of them could not go, the other would not go either. That fateful morning, Heidi received a call from her mother. One of her aunts in Houston was very ill and had been given two days to live. She was going to have to drive down to Houston that weekend and was thus going to miss the drag show. Unfortunately, because she was not attending, her friend was not going to go either. When they cancelled, another co-worker said she really did not want to attend and that left me with just one more person who agreed that it would just be better if we re-scheduled.

I was so disappointed. It's just my luck to have one of my friend's aunts die on the weekend when I am planning an outing. Bear with me, it gets worse. I walked over to my desk, picked up my phone and called The Co-Worker and said, "Imma beat me a dead woman." I apologize for the horrible grammar in that sentence but I am quoting verbatim for two reasons. First of all, I wanted the quote to be realistic, and second, because I love how that phrase sounds. There you have it, reason number 79 why I am going to hell. Not only was I unsympathetic towards Heidi's family loss, I was mad at her aunt for interfering with my plans by dying.

Yes, I do recognize how horrible this is. I am pretty sure that hell will have a circle completely dedicated to me and that drag queens will somehow be incorporated into the punishment. I just thought that such a punishment would have to be so creative that it is a shame one can't blog from hell or I could do a follow-up to each of the reasons why I am going to hell with what punishment I was attributed for it. Hmmm, something to think about, perhaps?