We Are Almost Caught Up... Just Bear With Me.

I am having a hard time starting this post because I am unsure about what to write. I lead such a lackluster life that there are few things to write about. A typical day for me entails getting up, going to work, going to lunch, going back to work, going home, watching TV and going to sleep. It's a pretty routine life. Every now and then I will switch it up a bit. For example, last night I watched four episodes of Gilmore Girls (I own all 7 seasons on DVD) but I also read a few short stories and listened to some music. Every now and then I will go to the movies but that is it. I rarely deviate from that format. I mean, if it ain't broke... right? Except that all this non-broken-ness leads to a life with few complications and it is such complications that are compelling to write and read about. I have no complications. Unlike Jay-Z, I don't have ninety-nine problems. I wish I had ninety-nine problems. It would spare me having to write a paragraph like the one you just read. I mean, this is no way to gain an audience. I need to provide an escape to your mundane lives (I'm assuming, of course) by providing a window into my exuberant and glamorous life, which I don't have. However, there is no point crying over my life, or lack thereof, so I should move on with this post.

In the last two posts, I have caught you up with what is going on with me and my family. The only thing left to discuss would be my social life. I now need to catch you up with all the goings-on of all my friends and my dating life. This should be a short post.

On the friend front, I am happy to report that I have fewer friends than when I started this blog (I'm being sarcastic, of course. Please try to stay with me as I won't always type an explanation). I am a very gregarious person so I talk a lot to a lot of people but I am lacking the connection one usually has with friends. I usually keep my friend list short in order to be able to provide each one with a personalized experience and be able to have more one on one time. I have never had more than 3 or 4 real friends at a time. Let me clarify here that when I mean friends, I mean people with which I will share anything and everything. I am sure that I know some people that will be offended that I don't regard them as friends but, in my opinion, if I only see you at work and hardly ever outside of it, we are more friendly than we are true friends. Then again, I am probably just being really picky like Kristen Wiig's character in Bridesmaids (which, if you haven't watched it, you need to watch it. Maybe not right now. Maybe you should finish reading my blog first and then watch it. Yes, watch it right after you finish reading the blog. You can thank me later.) when she is complaining to Melissa McCarthy's character that she has no friends and Melissa tells her that she does have friends but refuses to acknowledge and reach out to them. I really hope that made sense. The point is, I don't think I have any really close friends right now as I have had in the past. I was at one point going to read the book "How to Lose Friends & Alienate People" (which was made into a movie in 2008 according to IMDB) but decided not to as I really don't need help in that department. You maybe asking yourself how I have managed to alienate people being the charming and charismatic young man that I am. I would like to blame everything on stupid drunken nights of debauchery that are so shaming my mind has repressed all memory of them, so I will. It is not my fault at all as I am a charming and charismatic young man. Therefore, stupid drunken nights of debauchery are to blame for all of it. Yes. That sounds right. At least it makes me feel better. Then again, I have not alienated all of my previous friends. Some of them just up and moved out of state and I am fairly certain, about 95%, that it wasn't because of me.

It isn't all bad though. I still talk to my friends that moved to Portland, sporadically but it still counts. We have also had two Skype movie nights. A Skype movie night is when we choose a movie on Netflix and then get on Skype and try to watch it at the same time. So far we have watched Zombies vs Strippers and the 1969 Batman movie. We have a thing for B-movies as they tend to be hilarious. Moving on, I still have my Houston friend whom I have never met but often provides me with excellent advice and from whom I borrowed the ingenious nicknames for my nephews. I also have co-workers like Dottie, Heidi and Preggo with whom I share a bond deeper than just the co-worker bond. In fact, if we could only hang out more outside of work, they could probably be upgraded to friends. Unfortunately, they have families and thus busy schedules which leaves them with little free time. So, I am not as lonely as I made it sound in the previous paragraph. In fact, the only reason I often find myself drinking alone, is because I can't resist the call of a bubble bath while enjoying a few drinks and watching The Colbert Report. And, while drinking in the bath is extremely fun, it does give the phrase "drowning your sorrows" a different connotation.

On to the dating front. I am afraid that I don't have many stories to tell. I have mentioned some of my dating experiences in the past and they tend to not be that great. One could easily assume that I am either very picky or very unlucky when it comes to the dating world. Well, I guess luck has to run out some time, even if it is bad luck, because I actually have a boyfriend at the moment! What?!?! Me having a boyfriend?!?! It is so unlike me, I know. But, what can I say? I met someone who is a sucker for punishment and therefore enjoys spending time with me. BF, as he will henceforth be known as, even thinks I am good-looking and I believe him because he is a crappy liar. He is older than me by a few years and has his life way more together than me. In a twist worthy of Shyamalan's early work, The Sixth Sense or Unbreakable and not The Lady in the Water or The Happening, he is a political conservative whereas I have a heart. Fortunately, he does think I am smarter than him and that makes up for the political differences because at least we agree on something. He has told me, more than once, that he used to think he was smart until he met me. I don't need to tell you how much I love that. Especially if you know me at all and know how much of a megalomaniac I am.  We met around New Year's and have been dating for about two and a half months. To be honest, I am a bit wary of the relationship because we haven't had a huge fight yet. We have had small disagreements and he stood me up, sort of, one time but, other than that, it's been pretty smooth sailing and I am not used to that. I am used to turbulence. I am used to Life of Pi style storms that capsize cruisers and leave small boys to cohabit with tigers in a lifeboat. Although I was not the biggest fan of that movie, I hope you have seen it or that reference holds no water. I don't know how much more I can say as I don't recall what his response was when I told him I may write about him. Also, I don't want to jinx anything so I should really not mention anything more though I am pretty sure he will come up in the future.

I guess that brings us up to date on the major stuff. I will have to really start thinking about what to write next. I am going to have to start doing things and that sounds exciting. I am also sure I can reach into my past for some interesting stories to tide me over now and then. I may also re-start my "Reasons Why I Am Going to Hell" but, either I have gotten nicer or I am more numb to what I say, because I don't come across those as often as I used to. I also owe you a recent picture of me but I have not gotten my haircut yet so you will have to wait. 'Til next time.

And Then There Was The Family.

Welcome back. In keeping with my new-found desire to keep up with this blog and updating you all with what has been going on in my life in the last three years, I will now write about my family. Of course, no family post would be complete without Medea and, fortunately, she never disappoints. I will leave her many exploits til later in the post. First, I shall introduce my family.

Let's start with Dad. He's my dad. I think that's all that needs to be said about him. He does not create much drama as he is very easygoing and blends into the background of stories very easily. I will say this about him, though; he is one of the happiest people I know as I have never seen him stress about unimportant things. Unfortunately, my and my sister inherited my mom's personality so, except for him, we are all ticking time bombs waiting to go off.

This brings me to Sister. What can I say about my sister? She is 4 years older than me and has had three kids while I have yet to have any. To the casual observer, it may seem like she is trying to make me look bad. The joke is on her though because I don't like kids and don't plan on having any. She could have outdone me by just having one instead of tripling that burden for no sane reason. Yes, she says that she wanted three kids, but she is not fooling me. No, sir. I am no fool and will not be a victim to her lies about wanting children for reasons unrelated to me. Like I would believe that. She is obviously a crappy liar. As for my relationship with my sister, there is not much to say. We are civil to each other and we care about each other, but, we are not the closest siblings in the history of sibling-hood. We have different tastes in everything (mine are good and hers are tacky, fyi) and different viewpoints. I am convinced she may be a political conservative which makes no sense to me as a self-proclaimed liberal. I think the biggest reason why we are not close is the fact that I am gay. I don't fully understand her views on it. I know she is influenced by the hyper-religious upbringing we both had (mine more hyper than hers as she was not a huge church fan, btw). I also know that she does have gay friends and even had a gay roommate when she first moved out of the house. That being said, on one particular night when we were discussing Medea and during which I felt that we were bonding, I happened to mention that I was gay. I don't think I got the greatest reaction from her. I mean, she cried (as in sobbing not just a few tears) so we cut our chat short and I left. The next morning she did not mention it and has not mentioned it since. I feel fairly safe to assume that's not the greatest reaction though I do think it was not the worst by far. There was no calling my parents plus denial is a pretty sweet, if hurtful, package.

Moving on to Brother-in-law, or Bil as he shall henceforth be known. I debated on whether or not to give Bil his own paragraph. I didn't think he was important enough and the only reason he got his own paragraph is because my sister's paragraph was way too long already. Yes, I am glad he is alive and well since then I don't have to worry about Sister and her progeny being cared for. That's about it though. We don't see eye to eye on much. I was not really aware there were levels of how Mexican you can be, and then I met him. He is way, WAY, more Mexican than me. Think of a Mexican stereotype and he either fulfills it or has family that does. Is he Catholic? Yes. Does he like soccer? Yes. Has he ever gotten a buzz cut with designs on it? No, but his brother did once and I was not allowed to laugh, point, or make otherwise derisive comments. Has he ever worn those pointy boots that are, in my mind, the equivalent of a Mexican vasectomy? Once again, no. But his brother has. Did he have his last name or his hometown tinted in the back window of his vehicle? He wanted to but thankfully my sister was able to knock some sense into him.  Does he eat rat stew? Yes. Now I know that last one is not a Mexican stereotype but I thought it was worth mentioning because it is disgusting. Granted, they are mountain rats and not sewer rats that he is eating so they are supposed to be healthier. That didn't change the fact that when I lifted that pot lid there were rat whiskers, teeth and eyes staring back at me.  I think Bil's definitive story would be the one time I was riding in their Tahoe about eight or nine years ago. We were driving back to Denton from Dallas and it was close to X-mas. As we were driving going north on I-35E, an SUV with X-mas lights along its interior passed us. I was amused, in a condescending sort of way, until I looked over at Bil's face and my amusement quickly changed to terror. His face was lit-up like a child on X-mas morning who just opened one of his presents to find the one thing he had longed for the most. The child who found the one present he had made sure was in his letter to Santa and for which he had behaved and avoided having any fun in the slim chance that he might get it. Bil's smile was so intense even the Joker would have asked him to tone it down a bit. He turned to Sister and made a statement which my mind has luckily blocked out but which amounted to him wanting to place X-mas lights on his vehicle. Fortunately, Sister was not as enthusiastic about his idea as he was so it was never carried to fruition. Nevertheless, take it or leave it but that story encapsulates everything that is Bil.

Moving on to my nephews. I have two. For the sake of simplicity, I will call the older nephew Older and the younger nephew will be known as Younger. ( I must give credit where credit is due and I have to thank my Houston friend for such a clear method of pseudonym assignment.) I hope none of you are lost so far.

Older is about to finish elementary school and move to middle school. I must say that I am very protective of him. I feel a strong bond with him as I have lived with him and his parents during various periods of my life. I have always loved cartoons and I remember having a routine when I used to live with him around 2005. I would get home from work at the same time everyday and he would come into my room and we would watch The Fairly Oddparents and take a nap afterward. I feel it necessary to explain that my disdain for children does not extend to my nephews at all. Although, I am always very glad that I can send them home to their parents when I am done with them. I think the phrase to keep in mind here is, small doses.

Younger is either six or seven years old, depending on when I post this. He is a very interesting character that I often find myself at odds with. He has a very strong will and a very independent streak which are good qualities but can sometimes lead to trouble. On top of that, he is very spoiled. I don't do well with spoiled children. I guess it's because I myself am spoiled and I don't like the competition. He is just more of a handful than Older ever was. I have to say I am not proud of this, even though I secretly really am, in order to come across as more politically correct, but I used to have Older trained to look up and/or come to me when I snapped my fingers. Stop judging me. I know that sounds horrible but it was very practical.  Hear me out. If we were ever in a crowded and loud play area, as we often were, he would not hear us calling his name. However, he would hear the snapping of my fingers and come to us which turned yelling into an unnecessary task. I am only telling you this as an example of something that Younger would never go for.

Although she is the youngest, I think I will just call my niece Emily. That is, of course, not her real name. I don't feel free to divulge that kind of information without parental permission and I don't feel comfortable getting parental permission because then I would have to inform them that I have a blog and they may not like what I write in it. Back to my niece, Emily was the name that my nephews had picked for their sister while she was just an ethereal idea a couple of years ago. It was actually Younger's idea to call her Emily. He wanted her to be called Emily Elizabeth after the girl in the Clifford books. What I love about calling her Emily is that now everyone gets mad at me for calling her that and keep reminding me of her real name as if I had simply gotten confused or forgotten it. They don't know that it is their frustration that fuels my desire to call her Emily. Anyway, Emily is the newest addition to my sister's family. She is not even two months old yet. Her arrival has sure been bittersweet though. On the plus side, Medea can finally stop bugging me about having a granddaughter. She kept telling me how she wanted a granddaughter so that she could dress her up in a nice red dress. Don't ask me why the dress had to be red. Medea is the one responsible for that lunacy. On the negative side though, Emily now has the first birthday of the year. I used to have the first birthday of the year, being a March baby and all, but she had to be born in February and ruin it. On top of that, she doesn't really do anything. She just lays there. She really is kind of boring and I can't wait for her to get a personality because so far I don't think I like her. I am not a big baby person. I like kids more than I like babies and I really don't like kids so you should have an idea how I feel about babies. I have never had to and will, hopefully, never have to change a diaper in my life. I know what I like and I am pretty sure diaper changing is on the list of things I do not enjoy. That being said, I have already told Sister that, just as I did with Older and Younger, I will not babysit Emily until she is potty trained. And that's final.

The last member of what I consider my family would be my mother, or as I affectionately have dubbed her, Medea. I had meant to gloss over the other family members so I could focus on Medea's antics but, alas, brevity has never been my forte. Since this post already seems to be too long and, even if it is not, it has taken me most of the morning to write, I will probably just gloss over her antics and reserve the right to expand on them later. In a nutshell in the past two years I moved out of my parents' house after a specifically terrible fight. After six months, I moved back in with them so I could look after their house since five months later they moved to Mexico. A month after me and a very pregnant Sister (along with her family) visited them in Mexico. During the stay, Medea became very mad at me for talking to one of my aunts she had had an argument with and stopped talking to me. Two months after they came back for the birth of their granddaughter (remember Emily?) but she still refused to talk to me which came as a shock to nobody that ever knew her. Currently, they are staying at their house which coincidentally is where I am staying. They should be here for about another month but their stay is never free of drama. Unfortunately, this drama doesn't lend itself to crafty writing in order to be made bearable so them being here has only been more of an inconvenience and has provided less to write about than usual. I mean, it's not every year they leave me stranded in Odessa.  However, it is worthy of note that Medea has "divorced me" as she keeps repeating to me whenever she is talking to me. I am not necessarily sure what that entails but I shall keep you notified as the disenfranchisement develops.

I think I will stop this post for now. After all, I don't want to sound too bitter. I think I came off as bitter enough. Anyway, isn't life funny? I just realized that the person who I did not even want to write a paragraph about is the one that ended up with the longest paragraph. I was not aware that he could provide so much fodder although it seems obvious in retrospect since the whole family makes fun of him constantly.  I guess you live and you learn.

Here we go again.

Hello. My name is Carlos and I am the neglectful owner of this here blog. I feel like I need to re-introduce myself since it has been almost two years since my last post. I had to re-read all of my previous posts to give myself a clue as to what I was writing about and I noticed a trend in which I usually started by apologizing for not posting enough. I will not apologize this time. I will try to start over with a clean slate and hope that I have a better track record this time around. I will not make any promises as I did not keep my previous promises but I will try harder this time. A lot of things have changed in the last two years so I will try to bring you up to date.

I started this blog close to three years ago. A lot can happen in three years. A lot can change in three years. Actually, a lot has happened and changed in the past three years. When I was reading my previous posts, I noticed a picture of me I had posted. It looked exactly like this:

Just look at how young and naive I looked.

I had thought to post a picture of how I look now so that you could compare and contrast. However, I decided against it because that would just be depressing and that is not how I want this post to go. I can give you a brief overview instead. I still have hair. It's still mostly black. It needs a haircut. There I think I covered everything pretty well. Okay, I guess I can add that I grew a goatee. People tell me I look older with a goatee. Despite that, I don't think I will shave it any time soon. I have also, maybe, put on some more weight. I am not gonna admit to it even if the fact that my clothes don't fit as well anymore makes it obvious. I do still try to work out every now and then. That gym membership I mentioned back in 2010, I paid for it for two years. I just never actually went to the gym and apparently just paying a monthly gym fee is not enough to get you in shape.  I have, however, acquired an Xbox 360 with the Kinect and I try to play on it every now and then and count it as exercise. I mean, it should totally count because I run out of breath every time I use it. The fact that it is fun is just a nice plus. On a different note, I think I have gotten shorter but there is no way to prove that so I am not saying more on the issue. I guess the overall idea is that I have gotten older. I tried not to but I was unsuccessful. Maybe soon I will work up the nerve to take a new picture.It will definitely be after I get a haircut. I can tell you that much.

On the job front, I still work at the same place so there is not much to tell there. Granted, I don't have my second floor office anymore and I am stuck at the front desk again but they had to do some cuts and I am thankful that I still have a way to pay my bills. On the bright side, I still work with Heidi and Dottie and Preggo and the Co-Worker so at least work is not boring most of the time. There are times when it is mind-numbingly dull, but it's usually fine.

On the religious front, I have now accepted that I am an atheist. I don't know if this is good or bad, it just is. Unfortunately, it is very hard for people to accept my atheism. Especially because I still use phrases like "Thank god" and "God, no!!!" People need to realize that those are just expressions and not a statement of belief. I also still have all that Bible knowledge stuck in my head so I find myself at times quoting scripture or even trying to explain to Christians why they believe in what they believe. I would say that I am not a very good atheist. I don't feel I am being graded on it though so I don't stress too much about it.

When I was re-reading my previous posts, I made a list of things to talk about. I still have a few left that I haven't discussed like family and dating. I figure I will wait on those as I don't want to overwhelm you, or me, on this second first post. I am pretty sure the family topic itself can take up a full post so I will probably write about that next. Also, my hands are out of shape because I haven't had to type a lot lately so I need to end this post before they succumb to fatigue and I have to resort to pecking the keys with one finger to finish it.

I know the writing in this post is a little awkward so I acknowledge I am a little rusty. I will get better. I have to get better because this is pretty sad. Writing in this blog again is like running into an old friend you haven't seen in years. You are glad to see them and you know how things were between you at one point, but that just makes this new encounter awkward as you re-discover how to approach and communicate with each other again. Bear with me for a few posts and I bet you won't regret it... much. You won't regret it much.

Hey, You Can't Blame Me for Trying...

As usual, I shall start this post by commenting on how long it has been since my last post. It has been over two months now. In that time I have turned twenty-seven and gone through yet another mid-life crisis, I think. I would excuse my lack in post writing to the fact that turning twenty-seven was not easy, birthdays never are, but I know that would be a lie.  In fact, I have had plenty of things to write about. I have read two books so far. I know that two books is not enough but they are going to be part of my thousand book project.  I shall write about them soon, hopefully. I am going to keep the apologizing for not writing section of this post short as I know that it is getting a little old.

Well, something happened yesterday that made me want to write. Unfortunately I cannot get into the story without giving you some background first.

About two months ago, my parents decided to look into my finances and were appalled at the amount of money I owed to credit cards. Yes, I know that using credit cards is stupid. I also know, however, that it is fun to do whatever you want to do whenever you want to regardless of whether you can afford it at the moment. This is also true because I am horrible at saving and, if I had to save to do anything I wanted, I would never do anything. Anyway, despite the fact that I was twenty-six, this was obviously before my birthday, they decided to take a more hands on approach. First thing they did was bail me out. Yeah, that was pretty cool. They paid off my credit cards. However, this was not a present. It was a loan. A loan that I am having to pay back with most of my disposable income every paycheck. Yes, you guessed it right. I was put on a budget. The way it literally works is that I get to work and, when I get my paycheck, I get to pay whatever bills need paying and then give most of the rest of the money to my parents as repayment of their loan. Technically, it's like I get an allowance all over again. Well... that is how it's technically supposed to work but lately I have been straying from the master plan. Take this weekend for example. I probably spent about one hundred and twenty dollars while bar hopping and such. I am a sucker for buying rounds of drinks for everyone. It's not that I have to pay people to like me, but I bet it doesn't hurt. I swear I am a bit  more likable when they are drunk. However, that is beside the point. The point is that I made a resolution on Sunday night, right before I went to bed, to leave my debit card at home so I would not be tempted to go to lunch with my co-workers.

On Monday morning, I woke up and got ready for work. I grabbed my typical breakfast, which consists of one banana since I am not much of a breakfast guy. I got to work and everything seemed to be going smoothly. I was answering my phone, entering stuff into the computer, singing along to whatever music my iPod would play and joking around with my co-workers. It was a good Monday morning. I even went so far as to hide Dottie's mouse and have her cuss me out and tell me to get the hell out of her office. I learned the hard way not to hide someone's mouse and to definitely not take the battery out of said someone's mouse. They really don't like it. When it came time to lunch, it was painstakingly decided that we should all go to a certain chicken sandwich restaurant that has a cow for a mascot. I guess most of y'all know what restaurant I am talking about but I am paranoid about seeing little copyright circles next to name and I really can't afford to waste my allowance on a copyright infringement lawsuit. We drove to the agreed upon eatery and I walked up to the register and ordered my usual whole lot of food. Up to this point everything is going fine but, when I took my wallet out to pay, a wave of fear surged through my body. My first instinct was to think that I had been robbed or that I had lost my debit card. A second later I remembered, though, that I had purposefully, and sleepily, set it in a drawer the night as a deterrent to spending money on lunch. A second wave rushed through me but it wasn't fear this time. It was pure embarrassment. I believe I must have blushed because my face felt all hot. Now, you have seen pictures of me and thankfully I am not pale-complexioned but I do blush in some instances. I very quietly and with a sheepish smile asked the cashier to please cancel my order while I slowly backed away from the register. My mind was going a mile a minute. How could I get home if I had ridden there with some co-workers? Did I have any money stashed somewhere? Yes, I did. Oh, no! It's in my car and I rode here with someone. Is there any way to make this situation not awkward? These and many other things ran through my mind but the prevalent question was, how could I be so stupid as to forget I had left my card at home just so I would not spend money on lunch? As I was kicking myself mentally, while still trying to maintain some level of composure, Heidi comes up and asks me what's wrong.  I gave a short laugh and told her what had happened. Now, if this would have happened to someone else, I would not have let them hear the end of it. Luckily, most people are not me. She simply offered to pay for my lunch. As we were eating, every now and then I would giggle and upon being asked why I was giggling I would simply explain that I could not believe that I had done something so stupid. Yes, my co-workers were not making fun of me. I was. And, I am probably not going to let me live this one down for a while.

It was while still at the restaurant that I decided that I should post this on the blog for posterity. So one day, when I am full of myself, I can look back upon this and realize that I make stupid mistakes as well. Now this is the part of the post where I would make promises about how I am going to write more often and all that. However, I have realized that I can't force myself to write. I hope to still have some readers and, if I do, that they will continue to read regardless of how hectic my posting may be.  I realized last night that I have been doing this for a year now. Not religiously, but it has been a year. So I guess that is some sort of milestone. Anyway, hope to type again soon.

Happy New Year!

So what if I am a month late? I still hope you have a happy new year. Also, I know it has been almost two months since my last post.What can I say? I have been lazy. I can't say that there has not been anything to write about because there has. I cannot say that I haven't had time to write because I have watched about 7 seasons of SNL reruns on Netflix in the past month alone. What is my excuse then? I simply don't have one. Since it has been a long time though, now that I am back, I will attempt to catch you guys up in what is going on in my life.

First things first, Medea came and went to Mexico. She spent about six weeks over there taking care of her mom since her health is not what it used to be. Nothing about her is what it used to be. I mean, after all, she is old. As a matter of fact, when I wrote the last blog entry on December 12, Medea was already in Mexico. My dad, my sister and I went to drop her off on the weekend of Thanksgiving and my dad and I went to pick her up sometime in mid-January.  If you remember last time I drove to Mexico with my parents, when my dad's father died, I was left behind in Odessa (although to hear my parents tell it, I left them in Odessa with the car so they were the abandoned ones). I was hesitant to go to Mexico because of obvious reasons, but Medea said her mom was really ill and that she would like for me to go because this could be the last time I got to see my grandma, the last of my grandparents, alive. Although I am pretty much immune to most guilt trips, I fell for this one. The trip to drop her off was uneventful except for a horrible allergy reaction that made me break out in hives that itched like crazy. I still don't know what caused them. I went to the doctor in Mexico and despite the fact that he prescribed two shots, it did not get better. I had to go to the doctor once I came back to the US and I had to take steroids. I, of course, did not hear the end of it from my family. They kept saying that I was way too American now and that I was allergic to Mexico. It did not matter that the allergic reaction started in El Paso, which is technically, and I mean barely technically, still the US. The trip to go pick her up was even more uneventful.  Although, when we stopped for lunch at Midland, I did text Preggo to let her know that I had made it past Odessa this time.

This brings me to the next subject, Preggo. In a way, it is thanks to her that I am writing this entry right now. It's not that I don't want to write but it is so much easier to just sit and watch TV. She is always pestering me, in a good way, to write a new entry. She is the one that, shall I say, demanded that I write an entry since I did not work today because of the wintry weather. As a sidenote, she did not work either and I don't see her starting her own blog. She did however start her own facebook and, although now everyone and their mom has a facebook, it is a big step for her. Well, she is now back at work from her maternity leave. As I mentioned before, I think I did anyway and I am too lazy to go back and check whether or not I did so I will just continue assuming that I did, she had a baby girl sometime last year. The girl's name is not "The Thing" as I have been informed countless times by Preggo. I would use the girl's real name but I don't feel at liberty to disclose it, and I can't ever remember it most of the time, so I will call her "Phoebe", like the character from Friends (obscure enough of a reference or should I make it even more so?). The problem had become what to call Preggo since she is not pregnant anymore. I have reached a decision, heretofore she shall be known and addressed as "Preggo". Why? Because it is easier to just keep calling her what I have called her so far. So y'all can rest easy since you won't have to learn a whole new nickname for the same person. One last note on Preggo, I should mention that I made her cry on her second day back at work. Apparently, sometimes I take things too far. I also think she was no longer acclimatized to my abrasive personality and the many hurtful things I say while joking around. I have already apologized to her and she has forgiven me but this is just a heads up to everyone who is, has been or will be a friend of mine, I will eventually say something that will hurt you. I may or may not apologize, depending on how I feel at the moment. I apologized on this instance but I don't plan to make it a habit. I have too much pride and I refuse to swallow any of it because I do not know how many calories it has.

On the job front, I got a promotion. You may be completely surprised to hear this since I always claim to be lazy but apparently I am a pretty good worker. I guess I like money. Not a lot, just enough.
*BREAKING NEWS: WE INTERRUPT THIS BLOG TO ANNOUNCE THAT I JUST RECEIVED NEWS THAT, DUE TO THE HAZARDOUS WEATHER CONDITIONS, MY WORK IS CANCELED AGAIN FOR TOMORROW. THIS MESSAGE WILL SELF-REPEAT. WE NOW RETURN YOU TO YOUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED BLOG.*
I am pretty psyched about the promotion. I now have my own office and my own phone extension number and my own work email. Yes, I hear what you are saying, "But Carlos, your office has no windows!" What most people don't know is that I love the fact that my office has no windows. I am really safe in the case of a hurricane, except for the fact that I am on the second floor. I was actually making a joke about how I would need fake dead plants to my friends Hill and Zeke and they came up with an ingenious solution. I was sitting in my office one day when the receptionist asked me to come downstairs. When I walked down the stairs (as I usually do since I asked for a key to the stairs to take advantage of the fact that my office is on the second floor and finally get some form of exercise), I found Hill and Zeke waiting for me and holding this:

The picture may not be too clear, but it consists of dead flowers and a spray-painted black balloon that reads "whatever." I absolutely love it. I had said I needed dead fake flowers but they upped the ante and brought me dead real flowers instead. All I have to say is that if I
*BREAKING NEWS: WE INTERRUPT THIS BLOG TO ANNOUNCE THAT I JUST RECEIVED NEWS THAT, DUE TO THE HAZARDOUS WEATHER CONDITIONS, MY WORK IS CANCELED AGAIN FOR TOMORROW. THIS MESSAGE WILL SELF-REPEAT. WE NOW RETURN YOU TO YOUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED BLOG.*
were a bouquet, this would be it. It will now sit in my office until it completely falls apart. I am lacking more decorations for my office though. I mentioned in passing to my friend Kristin that I was going to get a firemen's calendar and I think she is thinking of getting me a desk calendar with pictures of guys in them. I am excited about it which segues neatly into my next paragraph.

On romantic news, there is nothing to report.

I think that may be enough catching up. Now about the future. I do not plan on abandoning this blog. Yes, my posting cannot even be called sporadic but all I can say is that, so far, it is as consistent as I am in most everything I do. Speaking about things I do, I have a new project in mind. While I was writing my last post about Dottie and her inability to read one thousand books before she dies I wondered if I would be able to read one thousand books before I die. Granted, it is not that original but I figure it will be at least interesting to try. Of course, I will document everything here in the blog. Since I had the idea on December twelfth, I was going to try and start the project on the new year but, since I am a procrastinator supreme and I am just now getting around to mentioning it, I will try to start by March 1st, 2011. That being said, feel free to submit books that you think I should read and to tell me what your favorite books are. Since there is no way to count the books I have already read, I will start from zero and re-read some of the ones I have read previously. Each book will count once, and only once regardless of how many times I have read it or will read it, into the count for the one thousand book project. What do you think? Will this be a good idea? Will I follow through on it? I sure hope so.

Anyway, I shall stop the post for now. I am glad I had a chance to reconnect. Be aware that normal posts will hopefully resume from now on at a rate greater than, but hopefully at least, two posts a month. I have been very -ahem- "well behaved" as of late so I don't have any additions to my "Reasons I Am Going to Hell" series but I hope to resume those as well too. Furthermore, I recently acquired a Twitter account. I don't know if I will use it much but in case you are interested my username in there is cosilvar (I really don't know how to fully use it so I can't give you detailed directions on finding me so good luck, if you even look.) I guess that is all for now. Until later, sincerely, Me.

Reason Number 81 Why I Am Going to Hell

This actually happened a few months back yet I think it is still worth telling. As you all know by now, I don't really have a social life. Thus I usually don't have much to tell. If it weren't for my co-workers, I probably wouldn't have much to share at all. Luckily, I am surrounded by quirky co-workers that keep me entertained and put up with all my idiosyncrasies.  My friend Heidi, who was featured in two of my earlier reasons I am going to hell, is one of such co-workers. Heidi is, of course, not her real name. I shall never reveal her real name or where we work in order to protect her privacy (along with the Co-Worker's [who has unfortunately recently informed that she will not be reading this blog anymore due to the inconsistency of my posting]and He Who Reads From the Shadows'). I am adding a new co-worker as I am sure that she will give me more than just this one story I am about to tell. She shall be henceforth known by the moniker of Dottie. (On a personal note, I chose that nickname because I know she will hate it.)

When I first started my current job, I was excited because I thought I was going to have plenty of time to read. I did not however know that, although I would have time, I would not have the willpower to read as often as I could because I would waste too much time playing around with co-workers and watching videos on the minuscule screen on my iPod.

On random days, though, I can be seen reading a book here and there. A few months back, I was reading Letters From the Earth by Mark Twain. It had come greatly recommended by a very valued friend and I was not disappointed. I was sitting at my desk reading when Dottie came up to it and asked me what I was doing. Always eager to engage someone in conversation and maybe even lure them into an argument, I quickly told her about the book. I know that the anti-religious sentiment in it would not bode well with her as we had argued about religion in the past. This time however I was surprised by the fact that she was not as judgmental as I expected and just went on a tangent about how she wanted to get an e-reader. She said she had recently been called to jury duty and that she saw a young girl, Dottie is "middle-aged" (I refuse to give her real age on account that she has already threatened to shoot me in the past), with one and she had become interested. I, having a Lit degree, quickly argued that you lose a lot from the reading experience by not having a physical book when you are reading. She said she could see my point but was quick to add that you could have up to a thousand books and could carry them more conveniently. I quickly countered by saying, "That doesn't matter. You don't even have enough time left to read a thousand books." Which might have been a bad thing to say. Especially if you remember that she I said she was "middle-aged", which is me being generous about her age. Still, I probably should not tell someone that they won't be alive long enough to read as many books as they want. Fortunately, once it dawned on her what I had said and after the quick shock of the comment, she laughed it off. I felt kind of bad and tried to fix it by saying that I probably did not have enough time to read a thousand books either. It did not seem too consoling that we were both too old to read one thousand books. Anyway, she did say that I was going to go to hell for saying something like that after which I had no choice but to write about it here.

Well, there it is. Reason number eighty-one why I am going to hell is that I reminded someone that death is nigh, and nigher every minute. I rather like this story but it probably is one of those stories which were better if you were there. Anyway, at least I had something to write. To be honest, I started writing this pretty late on Sunday night and after a whole day of cleaning and laundry. The only reason I did is because I promised Preggo, for whom I need to find a new nickname since she already had her baby, that I would write something on the blog this weekend. I do have one more reason why I am going to hell coming and a lot of stuff has happened so I do want to write a new post soon. Until then, thanks for still reading.

Public Service Announcement

I am debating on whether to make this a very long post or to break it up in small segments. Considering how inconsistent I am with my posting I am leaning towards the former although the latter would probably be best. Once again, thanks to the few of you who still follow this blog. You might say that I am not a demanding blogger and that I don't expect you to spend many hours reading my many entries. Closer to the truth is that I am a neglectful blogger and thus have to keep thanking you for your continued interest in reading my misadventures.

One more thing, I am excited that, sometime back, we went through the 1000 page views milestone. I should have prepared some sort of concert with some sort of price but I just now noticed it. I shall have to start planning something for when we get to 5000 page views. As to what to do, I have no idea. I may bring it up later  when we are closer and see if you guys have any ideas. Anyway, thanks for sticking with me this long.

Also, I have to get through all this so bear with me, I am sorry for the last post. I needed to get that off my chest and you guys were my only outlet. This actually segues really well into my actual post, which begins now.

Today's PSA is, as most everything in this blog, all about me. I am ISO (in search of, for those of you not in the know) a best friend. I had one but apparently I have misplaced her. I am not too demanding. So far my best friends have been women, but that is not a requirement. I think I could just as well have a best friend that is a guy but guys tend to have weird interests like sports and cars which I have no interest in. Moving on, my best friend has to be fun and willing to listen to inane ramblings that may go on for hours sometimes, especially during road trips. I am known for once spending the whole drive to Waco, about a three hour drive, speaking non-stop about Edgar Allan Poe. That was, of course, two best friends ago. I often wonder if that long diatribe had anything to do with why she is no longer my best friend. Actually, I am fairly certain that her getting married and becoming religious might have had something to do with our growing apart. I have not seen her since she helped me get home after the Odessa incident. We had already been growing apart then and since we have not spoken or seen each other. You could say I am ungrateful but we really did grow too far apart and had to claim irreconcilable differences.

After her, I transitioned smoothly to my next best friend. She was the one that made me realize that I had to add an amendment to my "helping people move" rule. Right now, I would say my status as a best friend has been removed and whether I am still even a friend remains to be seen. Let me update you on this relationship. After I helped her move, she started dating again. She dated several people and then she started fixating on one. They started dating exclusively and, after a few months, signed a domestic partnership. Now, she has moved in with her girlfriend. This would be a wonderful love story, if a short one, if it weren't for the fact that the new girlfriend hates me. We had an argument once, after having a few drinks while we were both stubborn, and she has held that against me ever since. Plus, she was jealous of my friendship with my best friend and how close we were. Unfortunately, that was enough to drive a wedge in our friendship and thus I find myself best-friend-less.

That's life though. I am sad, but I know it is for the best. Now, on to the fun part, finding a new best friend. I am currently accepting applications and resumes. Anyone interested in applying for the position will have to fulfill certain requirements. They can be of either gender as I am an equal opportunity befriender (I know that is not a word but go with me on this one. Also, if you are questioning my writing skills, you need not apply.) Also, I have no preference on sexual orientation when it comes to friends, as evidenced by the fact that my last best friend was a lesbian. You will however have to be at least a little bit smart and think that I am at least kind of funny. You will need to have previous experience. I do not have the patience or time to teach you the ropes of best-friend-ship. If you are interested in the position but have no previous experience, you can always apply for the lower position of just friend or maybe acquaintance depending on how interesting you are. Those positions come with fewer benefits, like me not helping you move, but you will still get my loyalty and an ear and a shoulder when needed. As a best friend you would receive the same benefits as a friend plus I will help you move and you would take precedence over other friends and, at times, family. Anyone interested can contact me in any which way you can. This will help me determine how ingenious and imaginative you are, both of which are important qualities you should have.

To quote the great Tobias, "Let the great experiment begin!!!" I look forward to receiving your applications and resumes. All serious inquiries will be considered fairly and a decision shall be made hopefully within a week. I am expecting some really great and amazing people to apply so if you are not selected for the position don't take it personally, there was just someone better. It is not that I don't care about you but that something better came along so don't be mad or upset at me. It's your own fault for not being all you can be. If you are not selected this time around, you can always try and hone your skills for next time I need a best friend. Maybe then you will be worth my time. It's not everyday you can become best friends with someone as awesome, smart, funny, and humble as me so take a chance. It might be your lucky day.